MOOOO!

In the 10th grade I had the coolest bus driver known to man. I could give her money in the afternoon and the next morning she'd bring me whatever I wanted from the liquor store and I'd hide it in the ditch by my house till I got home from school. It was the perfect setup for a high school kid.

Chris was coming over to spend the weekend, and I ordered up two bottles of peach schnaaps, because it was both delicious and I was too young to have developed my appreciation for vodka. We stayed up late as crap sitting outside waiting for the parents to go to sleep, then broke open the bottles, and lit up some "Its a boy" cigars from when my brother was born... he was 2 at the time.. so you can imagine how yummy those were.

Well this wasn't the house in Milton you're all so familiar with; this was the house in Blanch, an old Victorian style, 18 room house we were renting from Jim Long, a federal judge in Raleigh. The house was sitting on 500 acres of property and there was a cow pasture that wrapped around it on 3 sides.

Around 3 in the morning, me and Chris are sloshed off the schnaaps, and I tell him, "Man, I'm gonna sling the shit out of this bottle" and point towards the cow pasture. We walk over toward the fence and I throw that thing as hard as I possibly can; it hits a tree branch just in front of me and about 10 feet up and lands right back beside me. Much laughing at my expense followed. Chris catches his breath from laughing so hard and tells me how pathetic that was, and that I should "stand back and watch this". The bottle goes sailing through the air.. end over end, no cap so the wind is catching the lip of the bottle, "whooo, whoo, whoo, whoo, SMACK!!!! MOOOOOOOOO!!!!! The bastard hit a damn cow.. lmfao